


you’re the home my heart searched for so long

by RowanQuinn



Category: The Maze Runner (2014), The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types, The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, How Do I Tag, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I have no idea, M/M, Romance, Second person POV, and all this angst, and i believe her, and this fandom, but my sister says it's kinda fluff, how do i classify this, mentioned past attempted suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-31
Updated: 2014-10-31
Packaged: 2018-02-23 04:20:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2533958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RowanQuinn/pseuds/RowanQuinn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You know the feeling. It’s the same of that time you fell (fell, they say you fell, but you know how it feels to fall and you know that your feet didn’t slip the step; you know that doesn’t matter what they say, you’ve wished, maybe for just a second but wished, that everything would end simply, gently like that: a graceless fall) from the stairs; a mixture of anxiety that makes your hands tremble and sweat cover your neck, and hopelessness, sharp pain ripping through your heart (it beats so, so fast).</p>
            </blockquote>





	you’re the home my heart searched for so long

**Author's Note:**

> [Title comes from that song It is you I have loved, by Dana Glover.]
> 
> Oh, God. I'm not even sorry anymore.  
> (also, there's something I'm sure I'm forgetting to say... well, anyway; if you think I should tag something, just tell me, please?)

  
You know the feeling. It’s the same of that time you fell (fell, they say you fell, but you know how it feels to fall and you know that your feet didn’t slip the step; you know that doesn’t matter what they say, you’ve wished, maybe for just a second but wished, that everything would end simply, gently like that: a graceless fall) from the stairs; a mixture of anxiety that makes your hands tremble and sweat cover your neck, and hopelessness, sharp pain ripping through your heart (it beats so, _so fast_ ).

It’s like drowning, because your fingers can’t find a safe spot to hold on to, and you shake your foot and you gasp and scream; but water fills your lungs and bring you down and there’s just darkness, darkness, all around (no light, not ever, like living all your life in loneliness because you’re freak, you’re worthless and you’re weak and it’s not like anyone’s ever going to love you anyway).

But Minho smiles like the world is bright and life is fair, and you feel warmness all over your chest, and it’s like flying through the blue skies; cold and terrifying, yet amazingly beautiful. He hugs you like you’re a precious, delicate thing; shining in its own fading light. Minho acts like he wants to save you (and it doesn’t make sense because no one ever cared, you thought no one ever would).

Even when you cry. Even when you fall apart as the giant mess you ever were; there is nothing but kindness, sweet words in a whispered voice. Minho never judges you for being broken and he never tells you it’s going to be okay (people told you so many times, and all of them were nothing but lies), but you see him trying to catch up the pieces and put you back together.

He even manages to make you smile! You didn’t think you could do it anymore (you thought your facial muscles were already frozen in your emotionless expression, empty eyes, mouth like a thin line drawn on your face). It burns when you’re happy (and you know how being burnt feels, you have scars on your back, and your wrists are full of them; and even when other people close their eyes and pretend they’re not there, you still can feel the lingering pain, dull ache, like the cold touch of the razor blade on your skin), but it’s a good burn.

And you know you’re falling for him. Falling hard. You know it in your cores, because when Minho touches you (and when he _kisses_ you, just a peck on your mouth, soft red lips that taste like candy and soda; or even when he kisses your forehead, all gentle and caring, devotion bleeding from his trembling fingers) you feel like imploding and if this doesn’t mean being in love with him, you don’t know a thing about the world anymore (but you know moon is the satellite of Earth, and that Universe is infinite, and that all the stars will become black holes one day; and you know that there’s good and evil in the world, and there’s gray, and that if you don’t like babies’ laughs you surely ain’t human; and you also know that there’s a fine line between antonyms). If Minho’s not the reason why you’re constantly dying and living lately, then you don’t know a thing about _yourself_ anymore (but you know your hair and your eyes are golden blond, and that your fingers are long and thin, and that you have a limp in your left leg, and that you say “bloody” instead of “hi” and that you have a brittish accent that make people think you’re cute; and you know you used not to care about a single detail about you, and that you used to avoid mirrors because you didn’t like staring at what you’ve become).

Sure, there are a lot of things you don’t know. You don’t know if tomorrow will rain. You don’t know if humans are the only “rational” living things in the vastness of the Universe. You don’t know if you’ll live enough to see the sun rise again or if you’ll see the twilight. You don’t know if one day your heart will beat so fast you’ll die for it. You don’t know a single thing about the future (you don’t know what you’re going to be, what you want to be, you don’t know if Minho’s going to be with you forever, even when you wish with all your heart that he does, and you don’t know if everything will be okay someday).

But, then, there’s this thing you know, and this is enough.

Love is a suicide¹. And maybe there are things worth dying for.

**Author's Note:**

> ¹apparently there's a music with this name? I didn't know it until now ;U;
> 
> You can find me at [my tumblr](http://solemnhypnoticdahlia.tumblr.com/). I created it recently and I'm still not exactly using it to do anything but to look at my dashboard and fangirl over posts of blogs I follow.  
> Erm.  
> But, idk, come talk to me, maybe? Or prompt me something? (I can't promise I'll write it, because there are things that I don't know if I'm comfortable with, and I can't say I'll do it fast because I usually don't; but I can promise I'll try my best?)  
> Erm. Ok, right, I'll stop (ಥ︿ಥ)


End file.
